Matt's blog

The story of me, an American in Edinburgh, Scotland finding my place as a musician, a husband, a father and a Christian.

What if?

What if you didn't care? What if it really didn't matter? What if you felt you were burning but you couldn't tell anyone? What if there were flames licking at your innards, bringing you up to a rolling boil, threatening to turn all you are in to a hot, churned up, bubbling mess.

What if you got in the car and never felt the need to take your foot off the accelerator? What if you just wanted to go faster and faster until you caught up with whatever it was that left you behind?

What if you simply coudn't say what you were thinking? What if you weren't allowed to feel what you felt? What if you felt that there was nothing in the world you could lose that would matter? What if you felt like you would never cry again?

What if I don't want to succeed? What if I don't want to play along? What if everything we've built up for ourselves failed? What if there actually was nothing? What if there actually was no reason to get up out of bed?

What if I were completely alone, and you were completely alone, but instead of caring about you because we are in the same predicament I simply didn't care? What if you wanted out but there was no such thing as out? What if someone who actually had something to say simply went on rambling because it would be easier to become a caricature than a real person?

What if this person who was alone and boiling and didn't care for some reason believed in the promise of Christ? What if this person who believed in God beyond a shadow of a doubt because he had seen demons were to get up in front of an "Old First" congregation to lead music on Sunday morning? What if they knew? What if they found out? What if they saw beauty? What if they saw evil? What if I told them what I have seen, what I have felt?

What would happen if I were honest?

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