Matt's blog

The story of me, an American in Edinburgh, Scotland finding my place as a musician, a husband, a father and a Christian.

The Best of "" - The First Six Months

"This is mic number one...."

Those immortal words introduced what was to become an internet phenomenon. Though today consists only of rarely updated, disconnected, nonsensical posts, it once was a rich paradise of frequently updated, disconnected, nonsensical posts. In this edition of Matt's Blog, we'll take a look back at the genesis of with quotes from the months of October, 2002 through February, 2003.
We also realized that my name follows my stupid “an” theory. A little background is due. My theory is that smart people know how to use the word “an” and often do. Stupid people on the other hand do not properly use it, or use it at all. Thus, the use of the word “an” equates to intelligence. Stupid people know this, but they do not know the rules for correct usage. Thus, intelligent people should use the word “an” as much as possible, even when grammatically incorrect, to display their linguistic adeptitude. An robot. An cow. An brilliant idea. An-drew, not A-drew. Yup.
And why is having your cake and eating it too such a big thing? Don't people who own cakes usually eat them with little or no resistance? Maybe it's some diabetic thing.
The Sears training program will occasionally display the message "This picture is not exist." Technology am grate.
From a list of things AJ is scared of:
•New Things
----New things have the potential to be horrible, whereas old things are almost all great because you have ignored and forgotten the many of the crappy ones.

•Moving in the Dark
----I can’t see very well.

•Hordes of other Things
----By this I mean other stuff that I have not listed here, not just hordes. But I guess that I might be scared of hordes too.
I just measured my blood pressure. 123 over 80 with a pulse of 71. I am the freakin' model of good health. On a completely unrelated matter, I just got back from Denny's where I consumed cake and ice cream. I also had Arby's for lunch.
Stupid Sears. Stupid Sears. Stupid Sears. Stupid Sears.
Paranoid. Para-Noid. Would that be Andy, the stupid Dominoes Pizza monkey from a few years ago? What was up with that thing? Bad Andy. Good Pizza. Inebriated Advertising Department.
To conclude... Stupid Sears.
Happy Earthquake Day!!! Yup. I think it was nine years ago. I was woken up by a cup of water falling off the side table and landing on my head. A gas station up by my house exploded. There was very little traffic afterwards. We couldn't shower for a few days. A year later there was an even bigger quake in Japan. Well, it might have just been smaller and more efficient.
I was tempted to buy the Rite-Aid Mach 3 knock offs today. I still might. When it comes to keeping up appearance I know that us men have it easier than women, but this still isn’t of much console when you’re staring at a $20 box of razors. That’s like 40 Jack-in-the-Box Tacos, or up to 100 Tina’s burritos. Maybe I’ll just Nair my face.
Crashing sound is heard.
Coworker: What was that?
Me: Sign fell down the escalator.
Coworker: Seinfeld’s here?! (Said in serious tone.)
Apparently I broke Katie’s chair. I guess they just don’t make chairs as wearable as they use to. They need to make them more wearabler.
I like furry things. Fish need to be more furrier.
February 4, 2003 saw the advent of what was to become a halmark of, the emboldening of certain words in order to make the posts "easier to understand and possibly summarize if need be." The following is a list of the words and phrases emboldened in that post, which should, if the intended result was achieved, provide an acurate and time saving summary of AJ's life on that day.

classical guitar manicure
eyesight will probably get worse
Chili fries
Bat Thumb
½ lb. Bean and Cheese Burrito from Del Taco
Clone High
Plant Man
Strong Bad’s e-mails
7 Habits
Chicken Soup
“Everywhere I go I’m a [robot].”
I’m not finding this post very interesting. I’ll just leave some random, titular lines.

“I’m gonna go run this Blood Work….”
“I’m tired of all these Star Wars.”
“Hey! Aren’t you The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill, but Came Down a Mountain?”
“Man, this Deep Impact is gonna suck.”
“He’s glowin’ ‘cause… ya know… he’s got aaahhh… some… some sort of problem.”
I haven’t seen Peter in almost 2 months. It’ll be worth it if he has grown some sort of inhuman physical abnormality in that time, such as another head, Brokaw’s perhaps.
Glenn is an amazing person. He needs to stop being ashamed of being funny. The last sentence contained the word “being” twice. Apparently it wasn’t effective enough the first time, like a World War, or Short Circuit.
So there are some high points of the first 6 months of I hope that this retrospective has offered you a chance to relive old memories or else to be introduced for the first time to one of the internet's greatest minds. Check back soon as we will continue our trip through the treasure trove that is...

2 Responses to “The Best of "" - The First Six Months”

  1. # Blogger Jenevieve

    I'm just glad you didn't incluse the ultra-TMI post involving AJ and Express Men.

    I mean, I love AJ just as much as the next sister-in-law, but that was just disturbing.  

  2. # Blogger Matt

    Has nobody noticed that this was actually only the first 5 months?  

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